Posted by shyla at 2:54pm Jan 8 '09I don't know how to start..Last month a friend of mine was going through something pretty terrible with her daughter. A little background on her-Married mother of 3 children, nine yo daughter with first boyfriend, twin boys, one with autism.
Well, she'd never really been all that religious but in dealing with her son who has autism she found her path to God and comfort in it. She's been a two year active member at Lakewood Church in Houston. She volunteers in their Family Life program and is an aid for special children during Sunday sermons. So, she has a pretty big church life. And that's good to me. I'm glad for her that she has found comfort, satisfaction and peace within her life. She also credits her faith in helping her get over her issues of being a victim of child abuse. That's especially great to me because that is a battle that is so hard to win.
So, recently, this private situation occurred and I immediately went to Houston to be there for her and that included attending church. I've gone for the past few weekends. Ordinarily, I would not do this because I am not religious and it feels so entirely fake and almost blasphemous to sit in their hallowed halls not believing in their God. So, I tried to go with an open mind and a clear mind while Osteen delivered his sermon. I think it even got into my head that just maybe I would find faith and God and a little peace in my life if I could just try to believe.
But. It's not that easy. What I want to do and what actually happens doesn't always meet. While Osteens wife headed the introduction talking about the new year would be prosporous in the Lords name, regardless of the recession you still need to "give" until it hurts and "bless you while you give", etc. And I look around at their huge stadium, the humongous screen tv's, their bookstores in the church, their band and show lights and cd's...I don't know. My mind was like, "yeah, okay, I'm gonna give you my money". Not. And Joel Osteen plugging the cd of the performers that sang before his sermon? Totally.turned.me.off.
Why? Why can I not just sit there and take things at face value. Why does my mind have to roll around and question every single thing? It's freaking annoying.
I'm not sure what my question is really or what, I'm trying to write to feel my way around it.
Do you think it's possible to make yourself believe? If you attend church long enough, can their beliefs be indoctrinated into your life? Do you think it's wrong to go to church and not believe in God?
When I looked around at these hundreds of people, clapping and singing and having a pretty good time, they seem rather fulfilled and at peace. But I have to wonder if it's only while they are there-in that hour or two of service.
Well, she'd never really been all that religious but in dealing with her son who has autism she found her path to God and comfort in it. She's been a two year active member at Lakewood Church in Houston. She volunteers in their Family Life program and is an aid for special children during Sunday sermons. So, she has a pretty big church life. And that's good to me. I'm glad for her that she has found comfort, satisfaction and peace within her life. She also credits her faith in helping her get over her issues of being a victim of child abuse. That's especially great to me because that is a battle that is so hard to win.
So, recently, this private situation occurred and I immediately went to Houston to be there for her and that included attending church. I've gone for the past few weekends. Ordinarily, I would not do this because I am not religious and it feels so entirely fake and almost blasphemous to sit in their hallowed halls not believing in their God. So, I tried to go with an open mind and a clear mind while Osteen delivered his sermon. I think it even got into my head that just maybe I would find faith and God and a little peace in my life if I could just try to believe.
But. It's not that easy. What I want to do and what actually happens doesn't always meet. While Osteens wife headed the introduction talking about the new year would be prosporous in the Lords name, regardless of the recession you still need to "give" until it hurts and "bless you while you give", etc. And I look around at their huge stadium, the humongous screen tv's, their bookstores in the church, their band and show lights and cd's...I don't know. My mind was like, "yeah, okay, I'm gonna give you my money". Not. And Joel Osteen plugging the cd of the performers that sang before his sermon? Totally.turned.me.off.
Why? Why can I not just sit there and take things at face value. Why does my mind have to roll around and question every single thing? It's freaking annoying.
I'm not sure what my question is really or what, I'm trying to write to feel my way around it.
Do you think it's possible to make yourself believe? If you attend church long enough, can their beliefs be indoctrinated into your life? Do you think it's wrong to go to church and not believe in God?
When I looked around at these hundreds of people, clapping and singing and having a pretty good time, they seem rather fulfilled and at peace. But I have to wonder if it's only while they are there-in that hour or two of service.
Finding faith - shyla